b. Internal Family Systems Therapy? A Better Life Counseling Service

“Once I was able to set aside my preconceived notions about therapy and the mind, and began to really listen to what my clients were saying, what I heard repeatedly was descriptions of what they often called ‘their parts’…” Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D. The Internal Family Systems Model.

While many others have spoken about these “parts” within us (including Freud and Jung), Dr. Schwartz discovered the importance of paying attention to the interactions between the different internal parts of ourselves. This was an extremely important discovery. From that he was able to develop a way for therapists to help their clients finally understand all of those confusing and sometimes devastating internal conflicts that we feel and the equally confounding behavior we often see in those around us. Have you ever said to yourself: “A part of me feels this, but a part of me feels that?” He discovered that we have a kind of inner family inside our brains, with different parts of this family playing specific roles. He was able to make a map of the way these aspects of ourselves organize within us:

Internal Parts Map. Each of us has one Self and a number of parts in each of the other categories:

Self – the core or center of the person (see next section.)
Exiles – these parts hold painful emotions or burdens from unresolved trauma. They are often young and always have vulnerable feelings.
Managers – these parts try to protect the Exiles from the outside world and from Firefighter parts. They also often try to hide the Exiles from the rest of the internal system. They try to keep you in control.
Firefighters – they try to protect too but either by distracting or by taking the system out of control so that you will get help. Examples include: Addictions, dissociation, obsessions, compulsions, shopping too much, over-exercising, workaholic behavior, self-harm.

The Self.

A key tenant of Internal Family Systems therapy is that all of us have a core Self that is never damaged and does not need to be healed. At our core we are calm, centered, compassionate, curious, connected, confident, creative, courageous, and clear. The ultimate goal of IFS therapy is for the Self to resume leadership of our lives. As little children we developed our Exile parts when we were hurt. Managers and Firefighters came along to protect us from the outside world. Just as in any external family, these parts of ourselves were born along the way and now exist within us.

Unblending.

It is important to realize that multiplicity (having parts) is our natural internal condition. The goal of IFS is not to get rid of any of our internal parts. It is to help them return to their original, helpful and non-extreme roles. For instance, I have a part of myself that is shy and introverted. Another part of me is outgoing and social. When I need to give a public lecture, I call upon the outgoing part and ask the shy part to stay home. My shy part is useful when I need to get a lot of reading done. Both of these aspects of myself help me a lot, if they don’t get extreme.

The work with an IFS therapist begins by learning to step back when you are fused inside of one part and to actually see or sense it in front of you. From this perspective you can talk to or sense the feelings of the part. Once you can do this, you are on the route to deep and lasting healing.

The Story.

One of the biggest gifts Dr. Schwartz has given to the world of therapy, in my view, is that he takes the existence of parts within us seriously. While many of us sense that we have different aspects of ourselves inside there, we tend to ignore or discount that fact. This is one of the reasons that it is so hard for us to heal sometimes.

A big part of the IFS process is to stop ignoring our internal parts and start really listening to them, just as we would our own children. Over-reactive parts of ourselves need to tell us about their fears and worries. When we ignore them, just like children, they act out more and more. Until they get heard and trust your core Self again, they will not let go of the extreme role they have within your system.

As an example, think of a woman named Ann. She goes through long periods of feeling very depressed. She can not seem to get rid of this “terrible depression.” Even medication does not seem to help very much. In the IFS Model, her depression is a part. It has a story it needs to tell her. Chances are very good that its role is to protect her from a really angry part she also has inside. Like all the others, this angry part is just performing a job for her. Most likely it is protecting a vulnerable and wounded young part of her from getting more wounded by the outside world. And it is probably also protecting her from knowing something that happened to her when she was a little girl. Several things have to happen for Ann to heal.

She needs to unblend from her parts. To learn what is a “part” and what is “Self.”
She needs to really listen to her parts, hearing their worries and fears.
She needs to show her parts that they can trust her core Self.
She needs to wait to talk to some parts until other protective parts have enough trust in the process.
She needs to help each burdened part of herself release the toxic cargo it is carrying.
She needs to help each part replace its burdens with something wonderful.
She needs to help her over-reactive aspects find new “jobs” to do.
She needs to lead her parts from her core Self.

An IFS therapist knows how to help you through each one of the steps listed above. At the same time the therapist is always teaching you how to “lead with Self,” how to work with and understand your own internal map. In this way, you are becoming your own therapist!